How are you?

People would say there are a few questions that you never want to be asked.

"How much do you weigh?"

"How old are you?"
"How many people have you slept with?"

They all could be answered with a swift punch to the face.

However, you could ask me those questions anytime as long as we take one question out of existence: "How are you?" I detest this question! It drives me NUTS! Mostly because the people who normally ask are complete strangers and they don't CARE!

If you don't already know, I work with the public. My day is comprised of answering the telephone and helping idiots that come to our counter. I don't care about these people, they don't care about me. Yet many times a day, I am asked how I'm doing. Really? You won't even be able to recall my name in about 4 minutes, do you really want to hear what I'm currently dealing with internally? No, so don't waste my time. I don't care about you, I don't ask you, please show me the same courtesy. I'm not here to waste your time, don't waste mine. I'm busy at my job and I don't want my time wasted with your pointless questions and my pointless answers.
What I'd really enjoy doing is actually telling people how I am. A "good", "great" or my most favorite response "wonderful" doesn't really reflect the truth.

"How am I? Funny you should ask! Well, I woke up this morning and had insane uterine cramps. You see, I'm on my period and I am flowing like a mad woman. And how are YOU today sir?"

"How am I? Well, you see, *sniffle sniffle*, I broke up with my boyfriend last night and I thought he was the love of my life. We had great break-up sex last night....and this morning... but I still just don't think it's going to work out. Do you think I should try to win him back? Or should I move onto someone else? Are you single?"

"How am I? Well, since you asked, I'm actually quite annoyed. Annoyed because idiots like you keep wasting my time and asking how I am when you don't give a flying fruitcake how I'm actually doing. You want me to simply say "PERFECT!" and move on to helping you, you selfish d'bag. Now what do you really want?"

My favorite is the people who just throw it into their sentence and don't even WAIT for a response. Not that I want to respond but why waste those precious seconds of my life if you're not even faking that you want to know? "Hi, how are you, I have a question." Let's just go to, "Hi! (insert question)" I don't need to be warned that you're going to ask a question, just ask it.

I started to make a game of it at work because it was irritating me so much. So I started to just try to use a different word each time someone asked me. It took me about a half hour to run out of words. Then I started to not answer, I would just follow it up with, "Can I help you?" but then it pissed some idiot off, so now I just answer, 'WONDERFUL! Can I help you?" or my favorite, "Grrrrrrreat. Can I help you?"

I also hate the, "Have a great day!" response when someone is leaving/hanging up. Yeah, do you see where I am? I'm at work. If I were to 'have a great day', I would be somewhere fun. At home in my PJs watching daytime talk shows, on the beach with a drink in hand, anywhere but here. You don't care if I have a great day. You got what you wanted and you're off to have yourself a great day while I'm stuck at work. I realized this week that I like "Have a great weekend!" better because I will, I won't be here! However, this doesn't apply to people who work weekends. So just cut it out. It's not necessary. Waste of time. It's just another irritation.

My dream is to win the lottery. But not because then I'll be sitting pretty in my mansion with my butler serving me breakfast in bed. If I were to win the lottery and never had to work again, I would work. I would take jobs that deal with the public and every place I went, I would not hold back. I would tell people how stupid they were and put them in their place. Of course, I would get fired, but it wouldn't matter. I don't need the job. People would KILL to hire me because I would say what every working person wants to say but can't because we are in the business of 'customer service.' My new motto would be 'SCREW Customer Service!' Fellow employees would love me, bosses would love me. I would be the most sought after employee ever. They would just fire me and say, "She no longer works here" when they receive a complaint, but inside they're completely joyful because they know that person is a douche.

So my lesson for the day, when you call a place of business, any place. Get to it. Don't announce you're going to ask a question, don't ask if you can ask a question, don't ask how we are and don't give us a fake well wishing. Be gracious but not artificially friendly. Just trust me on this.

Stay tuned.

Yes yes. I know.

I am super busy at work this week, another dose of demotivation will hopefully come your way this weekend. While I'm busy at work, I'm finding lots more things I can talk about. Lots of good ideas! Be excited!

Wat r u tryng 2 tell me?

I've had it! This whole outbreak of 'text talk' and bad spelling and grammar. Wasn't this one of the first things we were taught growing up? Kids AND adults these days cannot spell!
I get onto Facebook first thing in the morning and see so many statuses saying things like, "Tamaro will b a grate day! I dnt no wat 2 do 2day!" ARGH! It takes me so much longer to just read it then it would for them to type it out correctly.

People are so lazy that they don't want to spell out a word, they think that b=be or 2=to, two or too (although they probably can't tell the difference between the three to begin with). They think that taking out vowels will save time. What becomes wat. Love becomes Luv. Because becomes cuz. Dumb becomes dum. I could go on and on but my brain is already starting to bleed.

Then there's the idiots who ADD letters or keep the same amount, but switch letters out. I don't know how this saves time. Like becomes lyke. For becomes phor. Everyone now looks like an idiot first grader all of a sudden. And we all know those first graders are pretty dumb.

Aside from the terrible spelling, people still cannot figure out the proper use of grammar. I just don't understand it. To me, it's SO easy to figure out the difference between there, their and they're or two, to and too. What is SO difficult about it? Were you too busy texting during English class? Back in my day, I had to physically write out notes! Man, it was so much work.

Looking back, I can kind of understand why it started out that way. Back when we all had the same cell phone keyboard, in order to text a 'y' in a word, we had to hit 9 three times. Then if you accidentally hit it an extra time, ARGH, you would have to start over. Yes, it was probably easier to text: Wnt 2 go 2 the store wit me?

But now everybody and their mother has a blackberry or a cell phone with a full qwerty keyboard. It is NOT necessary anymore. You want C? Hit the C button. You want Y? Guess what, you just have to hit it once! What a concept! Plus people aren't just using the 'text talk' in texts anymore, it's now transferred over to the internet. WHY? I'm lazy too, but that's just ridiculous! Trying to keep up-to-date with some people on facebook has given me a need to self-medicate.

However, I will admit, I just recently learned how to spell two seemingly easy words. I have been misspelling dying and lying for years. YEARS. I was so ashamed when I finally realized where I went wrong. However, I can defend my thought process. To "dye" is to change the color of something, so why would 'nearing death' be spelled dying?! It should be dieing! And you tell a 'lie', so it should be lieing. But I know...I'm wrong and I have learned my lesson. And now I can continue bitching about the other idiots who can't spell. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Plus, last night on facebook, I was using such big words that I had never used before. I honestly had to google the word to make sure I was using it it in the right context. I was. Because I'm smart. I just didn't realize I knew those words or could find a reason to use them in a sentence. I just amaze myself sometimes with how amazing I am. I was taught well.

Which brings me to an epiphany I had. I think our problem these days is that we don't learn from TV anymore. As a kid, I grew up with the classics. Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, PBS. Now kids have stupid nickelodeon where colorful characters just burp and fart and make hamburgers under the sea. What good is that? The episodes aren't 'brought to you by the letter R" nor do they feature a cool cat in a cardigan feeding his fish and playing with his trolley, not that trolley you sicko, to teach you how crayons are made. Oh no. That's not entertaining anymore. All the fat, and dumb, kids want to do now is play Wii, as long as it's a sitting game, too much activity is hard on their already clogged by processed foods heart. Mmmm pass me the cheese in a can. Barf.

I think our other problem now is the fact that nobody is allowed to beat their children anymore. We're totally missing out on the benefits of that one. You go out now and there are unruly children running amuck, breaking crap, mouthing off and using bad spelling on top of it. I say pull their bottoms down and give them a swift beating, heck I'll hold their arms. Nothing would make me learn to spell more than an ass beating from my mom!

So there you have it. My first dose of demotivation. Although I'm hoping this will push you morons to reread what you type and learn something once in a while, I now feel like I'm under pressure not to make a mistake. I hope you do too. Cuz if u dnt start lrning how 2 spell i will find u n kik ur but.

Wow, that's hard.

That's what she said.

I can't help myself.

What are you doing here?

Oh yes, I asked you to come. That's what she said.

So, with a little prodding from a very persistent friend of mine, I've decided to start a blog. The purpose? To give me a platform to state my opinions on different subject matters, but in a humorous way.

You see, I like to make my opinion known, so in order to make sure everyone hears my opinion, I need to put it out there publicly. I think it's very important for Mr. Obama to hear how I feel about grammar, Walmart or children. It will help him run the country better.

So I've got a plethora of topics written down that I will discuss in time. If you have any suggestions or things you'd like to hear my opinion on, feel free to comment with those ideas!
The title of this blog is the "Dahley" dose. For those who don't know me well, knows that my mom's maiden name is Dahley and I spent a good part of my youth and young adulthood trying to figure out who I was and in the process I had a lot of influence from the Dahley side of my family. So though I am a Quincey, I really relate to the Dahley's well.

However, it may be a bit misleading because I don't know if I can commit to a "Dahley" blog update, but for the sake of the title, let's just pretend I will.

During future updates it is possible that I will use some offensive language or probably offend you. You've been warned. But I'm so damn lovable and witty that you'll keep coming back for more. You know it.

So with that, I have an idea for my first update and I'm going to get to working on it! So...stay tuned! If all goes well, I will post it today!

Later bitches.

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