So, here are my 5 commandments for the movie theater. Here's the deal. We're all paying a TON to go see a movie, you shouldn't ruin the experience for others. Follow these rules and we'll get along just fine.
1. TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE!
I don't know HOW theaters can make this clearer. They have the nice commercial graphics before the movie that remind you. Plus is it not just common sense to shut it off when walking into the movie? You don't even have to shut it off. Vibrate is just fine. I can't even tell you how annoyed it makes me when you're watching some hottie on screen and he's about to tell his ridiculously beautiful costar that he loves her and I hear, "Myyyy milkshake brings all the boys to the yaaaard and they're like..." Sure enough, some moron didn't turn the sound off their phone. Way to ruin the moment!!! Even worse when the idiot picks up and is like, "Hi! Noooo I'm at a moooovieeee. HUH? A moooovieeeeee." SHUT UP!!!
2. Okay, if your annoying teenage self wants to go out with your annoying friends to have a good time. Don't go to the movies. I cringe when I'm sitting, anxiously awaiting the movie to start and a huge group of 10 annoying prepubescent brats walk in, thinking they're SO amusing and everyone just paid nearly $10 to sit and listen to them talk about their 6th grade graduation and that Billy likes them and all their comments on what's happening in the movie. NEWS FLASH! I didn't! I don't know WHY these brats think they're so hysterical, because they're not. So sit your bony ass down and SHUT UP!
3. I haaate when the theater isn't even full and I'm sitting comfortably with my feet up on the seat in front of me. And there's only 2 other people in the theater and some dumbass group comes and sits in the chair right in front of me. You saw my feet were up, you had 1000 more seats to choose from, WHY this one? I can understand if it's opening night and the theater is packed, but when it's a nearly empty theater? MOVE or else don't mind my foot kicking your skull in throughout the movie!
4. Do not. Do not. DO NOT bring your children to the movies. I should clarify. If it's an animated one or whatever, fine. But if you bring your 2-year-old in to watch some bang-bang-shoot-em-up with lots of sex and swearing? You suck at life. Not only should they not be watching that, but they will also sit and cry and whine that they have to visit the bathroom every 5 seconds. That's what babysitters are for. If you can't afford one, maybe you shouldn't be buying movie tickets asshole.
5. If you're going to see a movie with someone, more than likely they have not seen the movie before, so when you sit and ask questions like, "Does he love her?!", "Who is that?", "Will she die?", "What happens?" I want to respond, "Gee! I don't know! Let's watch and find out together!!!"
There you have it. A quick list of things to remember. If you follow them, it'll give me one less excuse to punch you in the face.
