Friday, February 18, 2011

Taxes!

It's that time of year in the good ole' USA. Tax season!
I don't mind it so much because so far, I've been able to get myself a nice little refund. This year I'm looking at about $1700ish total. Woot! (Too bad it's all going in savings, adulthood is lame) But, as I'm sure you could guess, I do have a gripe about this.
Why is it that people who don't work and/or have spawn get to collect more? Shouldn't I be rewarded for working full time AND not overpopulating the world? By me not having children, I am saving this country SO much money. Why can't my refund reflect that? You want more money, don't make babies!
Instead it's the other way around. You have people who don't hold a job and just have babies like someone's going to steal their uterus tomorrow and they get this insane rebate. How does that make sense?! Why are people rewarded for reproducing? I think they should be fined. "Hello Ma'am. I will hand you your new bastard to hold for the first time, and also your fine of $600 for bringing another child into this world. Maybe now you will have learned your lesson, as having another child will double your fee. Would you like to pay in cash or check?"
China has it perfect, a one-child policy. I think the US can be a little nicer and allow families to have two. That way you can try for a boy/girl combo. However, if you fail and end up with two of the same, that sucks for you, you are DONE. Maybe you can trade with a neighbor if they had the same problem. But if you're cool like me and decide you don't want children, you will get a cash reward every year you don't reproduce. High fives all around.
See, I'm full of great ideas. I should run for Princess of the USA, I'll be the first, and I'll make all the rules.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Lady BlahBlah

Tonight is the Grammys. The one night I look forward to all year. It's like my Christmas. I completely immerse myself in the little details leading up to the big event. I even make a 'wish list' of nominees I want to win. It's a big day for me. It is an award show that includes ALL music and I like (almost) ALL music.
I have a very eclectic taste in music. I imagine there's not many people out there with a "Favorites" playlist that includes Eminem, Justin Bieber (I know, I'm ashamed), Michael Bublé, Taylor Swift, Sugarland, The Beatles, and Queen all together. I can rock it to every one of those. There's not many types of music that I don't like, except for that heavy metal/screamo crap. That just sounds like a 12-year-old girl throwing a temper tantrum because her dad won't let her wear her black eyeliner and black leather miniskirt to school, ugh. Shut it already.
So anyways, I'm checking in on the arrivals and checking out what people are wearing. Then I see her, Lady frikken GaGa. This woman just irritates me. She arrives to the Grammys in an egg. A frikken egg!
I will say, I like a few of her songs and I do acknowledge that she's the 'voice' of many outcasts and kids that are struggling with bullies in school for being different. I get it.
However, at a certain point, I think she's just begging for attention. It would be different if she just wore these ridiculous outfits to awards shows or red carpet events. But she can't even go to the grocery store without wearing a stupid carburetor or bowl of placenta on her head. Come on. It's getting quite old. By dressing like this 24/7, it makes her mediocre and boring. You want to stand out? Don't dress like that on every outing. It's not new and exciting anymore, if it ever was.
If the world was full of everyone being different, we'd all be the same! Can't you put on a pair of jeans and a tshirt once in a while? That would really shock us all. WHAT?! Lady Gaga in flip flops and cut-off shorts? OH THE MADNESS!
Plus this whole, 'she's trying to make a statement with her outfit.' Shut up!!! How about get a voice and say what you mean, versus wearing it. A lot of people don't get it anyway. I'm still trying to figure out her revolting 'meat dress' she wore to the VMAs. Kanye West hates Taylor Swift, will he wear HER down the red carpet? Doubtful. Lindsay Lohan loves her coke, will she bread herself like a porkchop and wear her stash to court next week? Well, not on purpose.
My point is, she's not making me sympathetic towards the people of the world who are 'different' because she's trying way too hard to BE different. She's doing exactly the opposite of what she's putting out there. I'm not buying what she's selling, although with her 'outfit' tonight I do realize I need to pick up some eggs.
Yes, be different, but don't be obnoxious about it. By doing that, you're just bringing more attention to yourself and nobody likes attention whores. So crack that egg, put on a real dress, be respectful to other members of the industry and for God's sake just shut up with your nonvocal statements already!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Ink Me.

My God, I never thought that shopping for a printer would be more difficult than shopping for a car or house. I have seriously spent hours this morning reading reviews, ebaying ink prices, googling printers. I'm just over it! How hard is it to find a good quality printer that also has good ink prices?? Apparently it's rocket science!
I find a great printer for $100ish with great reviews, but then the ink cartridges are like $40! Come ON! I think gasoline is cheaper than this crap! It's colored liquid! Can't I just squirt some water in there with a little food coloring?
They advertise these great prices for these printers, but then the things that keep it working for years to come will make you choose between food or ink for the month. What a monopoly.
I have a printer now, that works fairly well, I haven't had any major problems with it. But it seems to go through ink so unbelievably fast and I can find decent prices on ebay, but when I'm buying replacement cartridges constantly, am I really saving much? I'm just annoyed.
Dramafrikkenrama.
That's really all I had to whine about today.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Klutz.

So, those who know me know I always have a story. No matter where I go, or what I do, I'll come back with a story. Now don't be thinking I'm making up these entertaining bits of my life, they really do happen. Not surprising, knowing me.
So my funny story of the day that I have to share. I went to the doctor this afternoon to see a nutritionist, nothing exciting there. Appointment went great, walked out with some free books and pamphlets and those are always fun. Who doesn't love pamphlets??
Well, honest to God, I'm walking out of OMC and hear allll these sirens and am like, "Lordy, what happened? It's so loud and so close." Start walking out to my car and what do I see? A huge cluster of people, all near to the ground, RIGHT behind my car. I literally walked up and was like, "Ummm..." And they said, "Did you park near here?" I pointed to my car that even had someone's hats/mittens/etc on my trunk and was like, 'Umm..that's my car..?' And they said, "Ok, well..there was an incident, etc etc...you can't move it...etc etc.." I was like Super, or something! So I asked if I could at least get it in, they said yes but that I wouldn't be able to start it as 'her' (the woman who I later learned fell) head was right by my exhaust. I saw her on the ground covered by a blanket and just shaking, I'm assuming from the cold?
Okay, no problem...I guess.

So I'm sitting...the ambulance and fire truck all pull in behind me and start doing their thing. I immediately start texting all my friends and taking pictures for Facebook because that's what my generation does. So I'm waiting, in the cold, waiting to move. Obviously at this point will not be able to make it back to work in time, even if I wanted to! So I'm waiting, waiting. They start taking stuff out of the ambulance to load her up. I hear the story that she tried to get out of some van and slipped and fell (on my car? I hope not. At this point, I realize I have forgotten to check for dents/dings?) and from the sounds of it, hurt her foot. So they initially try to just pick her up to put her on the gurney and she is scrrrreaming, "MY FOOT! OW! MY FOOT! OWW!" So, they realize that doesn't work, after a few tries. So they get the gurney down and load her up. Meanwhile my car shakes once or twice, I don't know what they were doing back there, but they better not have hurt Baby Blue!
So they finally get her in the ambulance and the crowd slowly disperses and I'm still waiting to go. I finally was able to start my car. However, the ambulance doesn't move. I sit there for about another 10 minutes waiting and I finally am pissed and annoyed enough to try to squeeeeze out. It took a few tries, but I was able to do it, cursing the powers that be, the whole time. As I drive past the ambulance, NOBODY is inside the driver's seat. Great! Thanks guys for knowing I'm waiting in my car and just parking it to wait for the next coming of Christ to move your tank.
So there's my story of the day. If something's going to happen, it's going to happen to me.
And below is a picture of the douchebag ambulance who obviously doesn't realize how important my time is and only worries about the injured. Pshaw. They need to recheck their priorities.
In all seriousness, hopefully the woman is okay...or will be. I'm sure her day sucks worse than mine.